Adjustment Rollercoaster

As many of you know, there was a period a little while back where I was in a not-so-good place. If I remember correctly, I even wrote a rather negative blog post about culture shock and clash. Well I can happily say now that I am over that slump and feeling much more positive about my experience and my life here. As one of my brilliant friends-a returned PCV as it would have it-advised me during that time, you go through that period of hatred and near depression where everything seems terrible, but you push yourself and after a few months you come out of it; then you look back and say, “yea I got through that, I am awesome!” She was so right, it seemed like there was only one way to get to the light at the end of the tunnel and that was by going home. However, that was just not true.

While here I am learning a lot; about myself, about teaching, about life, and most especially about the human experience of being uncomfortable and adapting. Thrusting yourself into a new culture and way of living is hard, one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I never realized how completely comfortable I was living in America, doing things the American way. Even ‘alternative’ lifestyles at home are still very American, or western and first-world at least. Living here as forced me to rethink how life is lived and how people act. At first I was subconsciously opposed to it, but now I am coming to understand that where life is different, people will act differently. Now I am not saying I have completely adapted and gone through a cultural metamorphosis or anything, but I have learned to accept what I cannot change and just go with the flow of life here. I realized it isn’t about me, its about the people who live and work here every day. I realized what I am comfortable with means nothing in a place that faces so much hardship. I realized that communities are extremely tightknit and to assume you can just waltz in and be accepted is really ridiculous, you need to work and love and not judge anyone else until you are trusted. In realizing all this, a few really amazing things have happened to me.

I am making some serious progress at my site. The progress is materializing very slowly, but I am taking that as a major sign of its success. We have asked what things people where I work would like to see happen, instead of telling them what needs to be done. Then, we bunker up and do whatever we can in whatever time is given. If we miss class one week because of unplanned events that just appear out of nowhere (as they almost always do), then we re-plan or try and teach on the weekend. If teachers are not going to show up regularly or don’t want to teach in the afternoon, that is when I have my classes that I do on my own with small groups. When the teachers see what I am doing and have an interest, they can ask me to show them what I am doing and I gladly oblige, but I am not forcing any trainings down their throats. Why, because they are the experts of the UG educations system and I am just a visitor, so anything I want or can do to help has to be asked for because this is their life and their world, not mine.

I have also made some really good friends in the community. This is actually my proudest achievement. If I am feeling bored, I can go and sit with someone around for a few hours. I know this is very hard to believe for the people that know me best, but I am actually learning to sit around and do nothing for hours, sometimes not even talking, just enjoying the company of someone else. My favorite part of is though is the cultural exchange. I learn a ton about living in Uganda and gain a better appreciation for life here and they get to ask a million questions about what happens in America. Some of these friends are actually my students at the teachers’ college and we even started a running club together. They love exercise and are inhumanly fit; we are training for a half-marathon. All in all I am comfortable moving around, I have got my routines, and I am finally living here without thinking about the fact that I am living here. It is really nice. Although I still love my home and my country, it is nice to experience life outside it for a little while and I am gaining a lot of knowledge and respect for the human experience. I am coming to love Uganda and its people, whenever I do go home I feel like now I will go home successful!

As a caveat, I also now understand that my emotions here come in waves like the title of this posts suggests. I am sure I will come to another low point when I am frustrated that the improvements I am talking about plateau. However, I am better prepared for that and I don’t think I will feel as unhappy as I did before. For now, wooooooooh let’s go!