An American "Neighborhood?"

I was out walking around in a typical upstate New York neighborhood and something felt incredibly off. I could not really put my finger on it until I reached an empty playground. It was so quiet! That was it, there was barely any audible noise in the entire area. And there were no people anywhere to be seen. I was stunned. Where were all the kids and why weren’t any neighbors out gossiping or drinking some wine on their porch? Coming from Uganda, where the community is the centerpiece of almost everyone’s life, this was astonishing. But I have been trying very hard after coming back to America to not compare everything to Uganda. Two very different, well everything, after all. What I could compare this shell of a neighborhood to is what I grew up with. During the summer months, at ANY given time of the day or night, there were dozens of kids out and about doing kid stuff. Riding bikes, rollerblading, playing basketball, swimming, climbing trees, getting geared up for a game of manhunt. This was maybe 15 years ago; what happened!? What is the cause of death to the American neighborhood?

Upon walking further I eventually did come across some life: a woman walking her dog and a man jogging. My natural inclination was to say hello in a warm and open manner, yet they looked at me as if they were in as much anxiety had I been coming at them with a knife. I was so subdued by this that I actually felt a twinge of doubt in my own actions; is that not what I am supposed to do as an American citizen, greet my fellow humans? I quickly dismissed that and instead felt a bit of pity for these people. You can’t greet another human being with ease? Maybe there was something very troubling going on in both of these people’s lives and maybe they were distracted by that, caught off guard by a young man (yes mid-twenties still better be considered young) wearing pink shorts and a smile. But seriously, what has taken place in our society to get us to a point where we don’t communicate, we don’t hang out with or even know our closest living neighbors, and that we might actually come to fear meeting a stranger?

This has got to be the hardest part of readjusting to America for me. I have always been a social, people person. Then I went to a country filled with some of the most social, people persons I have ever met. Now I am back in a country with people who get the shakes at socializing. I am doomed. I want to say hello to everyone, I want to strike up a conversation with people I am sitting next to on the train, and most of all I want to laugh with total strangers because that is what people do. We connect. We socialize. We learn and grow from one another, regardless of where that other person comes from, what their skin color is, or if they have the worst B. O. imaginable. But I feel like I can not do that here without an awful lot of judgment and weird looks from people.

So what can I do about this to overcome it? I refuse to follow the lead of society and shun talking to other people. So maybe I need to look a little deeper at the causes and try to use some critical thinking to discover what modern American communities might need to inspire a little more human-on-human contact. In Uganda, there were tons of dukas (small shops) everywhere in a small community or village, where people would go to buy small and simple things they needed right away at home. There were also drinking circles everywhere, where the adults could gather to discuss whatever they pleased. Pretty much no one had water in their homes, so everyone had to walk to and wait at the nearest stream or borehole in order to get their fill, and in so doing created a space to catch up with the neighbors. Kids would find any patch of flat land and play football (sorry folks, soccer), since they did not have many other options like T.V. or videogames. Could any of those neighborhood staples be applied in the American context? How would one go about enticing children who DO have an abundance of isolation games to get outside and play some ball or ride a bike? Furthermore, how can you get people (I seriously can’t count how many people I am referring to who have told me this) who hate the outdoors, to leave their homes and get together? If you are one of those people you are probably saying, “this guy, why does he think anyone needs to be outdoors to be happy?” Well my dears, that is where we come from. I hate to break it to you, but we are made from the exact same organic matter as the trees, bugs, and your dog’s shit. The outdoors provide a free, healthy, open area for any number of people from anywhere to get together and do virtually anything. Why do you think America spent so much of our money on both National and Local parks and reservations? It is good for us! As a species and as a social group. But I am not really arguing for the outdoors right now, I don’t care if kids started playing and people started getting together in a giant covered ______, just as long as they are socializing.

Why socialize? When we spend too much time with ourselves, doing exactly what we want and getting everything we think we need and only listening to a few others, or ourselves we stop growing as individuals. We lose touch with our humanity and our ability to interact appropriately with others and the world. For centuries, people have inspired one another to do great and beautiful things. Think about stories or ideas that touch your heart or tear at your soul. They most likely came from an emotional connection or circumstance between two or more people. Most importantly, we need each other. As we all know, shit happens. But when you have a tight community around you, it can really soften the blow and help you handle or recover from whatever is happening. We don’t need any more heroes doing everything themselves, they only end up hurting those closest to them in the process. The feeling of being able to rely on your neighbors and the knowledge that they truly rely on you is so remarkable. It might even help to make a dent in all the pathological and psychological issues that are thriving in our culture right now. Perhaps if more people socialized and saw the human in one another, we might be a bit farther down the line in ending racism, classism, homophobia, and all other kinds of intolerance. I don’t really know. What I do know is that I want to make an honest effort in my next community to bring people together, empower each other, work with one another, and enjoy life as a group.